Lessons
by rebecca bell
Summary: This is a story i started while i was still working on the last. it will have a lot of Grandma M, Stephanie, Merry men and Lula. Frank also has a part in this story! bet you'll never guess what his posistion is! LOL! please Review!
1. Chapter 1

**This is just an idea that popped into my head while I was working on the other story. I just thought I'd throw it up, and see what you guy's thought. Let me know if its worth continuing. **

**All reviews are appreciated. Thoughts and suggestions welcomed. Also if you write stories and review mine then I can read your's . i'm always looking for more stories to read!**

**Disclaimer: anything you recognize is all Janet's. **

**Grandma Mazur's POV**

Old bat my ass. Ha! I am not old. They say your as old as you feel. Well I'm here to tell you I feel 30, so there for people, I am 30. Last week I had marched into Vinnie's bonds office and demanded him to give me a job or I'd tell his father in law about all his little trysts with that ugly little slut we all love to hate, Joyce. Vinnie had paled, and I had secretly smiled, and did a mental happy dance.

Now I was in charge of stake outs. He gave me pictures, and info on people, and me, and my partner who I got to pick, someone with a license since I didn't have one. We would sit out side the given addresses, and watch for the lucky jackass of the hour, and call either Stephanie or Ranger, who would come and do the arresting bit.

Your probably wondering who my partner is. I bet your thinking. 'I wonder who the lucky bastard is that gets to team up with Grandma Mazur.' Well the lucky bastard is none other than my son in law, Frank. Yep, you copied that right. I know it seems like we don't like each other, but when it comes down to it we are family, and family stay's together. Besides he has a license, and I threatened to move back to his house if he didn't do it.

"There's the Jackass of the hour," Frank said as Jorge Burley, a 80 something year old man who had pissed on a cop car, and then proceeded to slug the cop after he finished, came into view he was just getting home.

"I say we take this one. Stephanie is probably in bed, and anyone Ranger sends is likely to give the old Jackass a heart attack," I said.

"Go ahead, and go for it Tiger, I'll be right here waiting for you to get back," Frank said shaking his head.

"Fine, chicken shit," I said, and pulled out my 45. Now here was the love of my life. This baby right here is why I was team Ranger. He had given me this baby for Christmas. God bless that mans heart. I loved the feel of the cold metal in my hands. Ranger had my last name engraved on the handle, going down the side of the handle it reads, MAZUR, in fancy curvy letters.

"Edna, put that gun away. The man's 87 for Christ sakes, he's about as dangerous as a kitten," Frank said.

"Some kittens are evil! They scratch you up," I said. " I'll be back, here take this," I said handing him my old 45. "Now if someone gives you trouble you just show them that, and they will run scared. On the off chance that they don't, pull the trigger that should scare them."

"Damn Old Bat," Frank said shaking his head.

"Stupid, spoiled Bastard," I said shocking him. I got out, and approached old Jorge. He saw the gun, and decided to go along with me. To bad, I would have liked to use my gun.

Frank drove us to the cop shop, to drop Jackass Jorge, off and I took him in. I left my baby in the car. Cops didn't like old people with guns. They don't know how to live.

"Hey, Grandma Mazur," Eddie said dropping a kiss on my cheek.

"Well, hey, Little Eddie, how's the job going tonight?" I asked smiling up at the young man who had spent a lot of time with Stephanie during elementary up through high school.

"Really slow. You're granddaughter came in earlier, and surprised us all when she was clean as a whistle. Not a speck of dirt on her," Eddie said smiling. "Of course if she had come in covered in garbage, the day may have been a little more exciting, but it's flat lined."

"The only excitement I got all day was getting Frank to say more than 3 words, and say them clear with out mumbling or grunting. I swear that fools about as fun to talk to as a wall," I said.

"I hear ya, I'm bout ready to die of boredom," Eddie said.

"Yeah, well I better go before Frank, dies, the man has the patients of a monkey," I said rolling my eyes.

"Night, Grandma Mazur," He said.

"Night, Little Eddie, you get any hot action let me know all the juicy details, you got my number," I said, and left.

"Bout damn time woman, what took so long, Jorge break his hip on the way in?" Frank ask after I was in the car.

"No, you dip stick. I ran into Eddie, we were having a nice little chat," I said.

"Oh yeah? What about? Guns and cookies?" He grumbled starting the car.

"You know Grandma Bell owes me a favor don't make me use it on you," I said shooting him a warning glance.

"Damn woman," he grumbled.

So we were back to grumbles, and mumbles. I was happy when we got back to the apartment building where Steph use to live. Now that her, and Ranger had moved in together Stephanie no longer needed he apartment so she handed it over to me. I was glad to get out of my daughters house. God love her, but the woman's a control freak, and if I had to listen to her bash Stephanie's, Ranger, one more time I was going to become not so motherly. The guy was hot. My granddaughter finally brought home a winner, and her mother bashes him. I raised that brat better. Sometimes I want to strangle her, hey, I brought her into the world, I can take her out. I don't give a damn what the law has to say bout it. Ungrateful twit is what she is.

Ranger has done nothing, but keep our girl safe. He has loved her, protected her, hell the man almost died for her, and his daughter as well. He went on missions for the government, and risked his life to keep our country safe. How much of a better man did she want. Hell Frank liked the guy. That had to say something right there its self.

I let myself in to my apartment, my 45 drawn and ready for action. Hey this was Stephanie's old apartment she use to get all kinds of creepers around here. I went through out the apartment, deemed it creep free and then locked up, and got ready for bed. Tomorrow was a new day. I wondered what all those hot juicy men Ranger had working for him were doing, kind of wished I had called Ranger to send one to get Jorge so maybe I could have ridden along with them to the cop shop. Oh well there was always tomorrow, and my dreams.

**Stephanie's POV **

Eddie called me this morning and told me Grandma had brought in an old man last night. It mad me smile. Grandma had threatened to tell Vinnie's Father in-law about his cheating ways if he didn't give her a job. So he'd come up with something. We had been surprised when she had picked my father to be her surveillance partner, but I was guessing she threatened him into it. Grandma was just crazy, but I loved her. She supported everything I did, and that meant the world to me. She loved Ranger, she supported our relationship where my mother bashed and tore it to shreds. She thought Ranger was a thug, nothing but a gang banger. She didn't know the man that he was. The man I saw in him.

Ranger would do anything to keep me safe, he has killed to keep me safe. He has taken bullets for me. I shivered whenever I think about it. I loved him. He loved me to. Life was so much better, and sweeter now that we were together.

Joe was out of the picture, having taken a job in Arizona 6 months ago. Last I heard he was engaged to a teacher. I hoped it worked out, for the both of them. Joe had seemed to have beaten the Morelli men ways. He's a good man. He's just not the man for me. Joe wanted a calm house wife, and that wasn't me. As crazy as my job is, I love it.

I was on my way to the bonds office, I was accompanied by a box of donuts. I love donuts. Lula and Connie did to, that's why I always get a dozen. I pulled up, and got out of the car pulling the box out with me.

Lula was sitting on the couch talking to, Connie, who was painting her nails a mind blowing red. They stopped talking the minute I walked in leading me to believe that I had been the topic of the conversation.

"What's up?" I asked.

"White Girl, as much as I hate to be the one to tell you this, you being my best friend, and all. Its my job as a best friend to tell you what I heard the bitch Joyce telling one of her other sluty friends," Lula said, looking like she wished she was anyone else at the moment. It was just a wild guess, but I wasn't going to be happy. I noticed Lula was wearing Black pants with a red shirt. It was plain. Really to plain, for her.

"Why aren't you all dazzled up to day Lula?" I asked.

"I was running late, and just had to throw this together," she said. "Anyways lets not get side tracked. Like I said I heard Joyce talking to her friend. She was talking about Batman." I tensed up, and my eyes squinted.

"What was she saying?" I asked.

"Well, basically she want's in Batman's Pants, but she knows that wont happen. At least not anytime soon, so she is going to go for one of your 'Merry Men' she is hopping after a while she can work her way up to Batman. I also heard her telling her friend how she saw you kissing Tank and planned on telling that to Batman." Lula said giving me a questioning look. I rolled my eyes.

"We were working, we had to spy on a man and he walked by, Tank grabbed me, and kissed me until the guy went by. That was it. It meant nothing. In fact it felt like I was kissing my brother, and Ranger knows about the kiss because we gave a full report," I said.

"As long as it was just for work I guess I can let you live," Lula said and I rolled my eyes.

"It's something I don't have plans to repeat. Not that Tanks a bad kisser it's just that he's like a brother to me," I said. "All the guy's are like brothers to me, and because that's how I feel about them I am going to go school them in Joyce 101. I don't want any of them getting entangled with her, she's a money thirsty whore."

"I think I would like to sit in on this Lecture," Lula said as we made our way out to my car. "Maybe we can get the guys to play with Joyce a little."

"If they see it our way, if not I can always call Grandma Mazur, for back up. She's on for another surveillance shift this evening. She's doing really good on this job," I said.

"I love Grandma, she crazy," we headed off to hay wood to talk to my guy's please let them see it my way. It's for their own good. I was going to talk to the married men to cause Joyce is a home wrecker. I didn't want her ruining any of my guy's homes or families. As far as Ranger went well, it be a cold day in hell before he'd ever even touch her. I wasn't going to let her try to take my man from me. Ranger was mine, just as I was his that wasn't going to change. It be fun if the single guys would be willing to play with Joyce a little. We pulled into the parking garage, and got out.

"Well, here we go," I said, looking at Lula. We moved towards the elevator to go up to five to get started schooling the guy's.

"This should be fun. Even more so if we got to call grandma in," Lula said. We both smiled and when the elevator came we climbed in, punched the button for the 5th floor, and waited as the elevator started its climb. Well I was torn between hoping I got through to them, and wanting to call in Grandma to watch them squirm. Maybe some wouldn't cooperate so I would have to call in reinforcements.

**Well let me know what you think about this idea. Please review. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Let me know what you think about this chapter by reviewing. **

**To everyone who has reviewed thank you I appreciate it!**

**Disclaimer" whatever you recognize is all Janet's. **

**Frank's POV**

I'm with the crazy bat again. Today we are watching David Thompson. He's 45, and wanted for a drunk driving charge. He had just gotten home, and I had called Stephanie to have her come pick him up, but she said she was busy playing teacher to her Merry Men. She said she would send Tank or Ranger as they were not involve in the lessons she was teaching. I had asked her what the lesson she was teaching was, and said she was giving her guys a lesson on Joyce. That had made me roll my eyes. No self respecting man would sleep with that woman. So now she was sending Tank. I'm not gay, but how could Stephanie do this to me she knows how her grandmother is. Now I'm going to have to watch Mrs. Grabby hand's. the woman was crazy she didn't know how to keep her hands to her self. Why me. At least I didn't have to live with her any more. Thank god! I just hope the big man didn't kill the crazy bat my wife would be mad if I had to tell her one of Stephanie's big friends killed her mother.

"Who's Stephanie sending?" Edna asked looking over at me.

"Tank," I said.

"Oh, sexy chocolate, yum!" She said and I groaned.

"Edna, behave yourself or you'll have to find a new partner, I swear to god woman," I said warningly.

"Fine, but you quit then I move back in," She said smiling at me. Taunting me. I grunted. 'why me?' I thought stealing my wife's favorite saying.

"Just behave," I said.

She smiled ten minutes later when Tank showed up, and got out of the car. She walked up to the big guy and gave him a hug. To my surprise the big man smiled, and hugged her back. The minute he turned his back though Edna, pinched him on the butt. I burst out laughing as he jumped, and spun around. One thing you never do, never turn your back on Edna Mazur, especially if you are a male. He recovered fast, and they went up to the door, and Tank knocked. David answered. When he saw Tank I saw his eyes flash with fear.I can't blame him, Tank was a scary looking man. I had the window down so I could listen to what was going on.

"Well aren't you a Babe?" Edna said. "I was expecting a frumpy looking man since you came walking in the house all dressed in ratty clothes, but you clean up real good."

Tank explained who they where and why they were there.

"He can ride in with Frank And me, I'll even sit in back with him, and make sure he don't fall over when we go around the corners," Edna said smiling. I saw the man pale slightly. I wanted to laugh. I guess the old bat, could be entertaining. The guy looked at Tank pleadingly.

"The guy will ride in my car," Tank said, the guy looked relieved, and then Tank ruined it. "You'll be riding along with me, I have orders from Stephanie to bring you back to RangeMan, incase she needs you," Tank said and the man paled again. "You'll ride shot gun," he told her.

"Can I drive instead?" She asked.

"No!" Tank said, paling himself.

"Fine, can we stop by McDonalds for a chocolate milkshake?" She asked.

"Absolutely, Grandma M, anything for you," Tank said. He cuffed the fugitive. "I got her Frank, I'll see she get's home."

"See you at 6," Edna called.

I waved goodbye, and left.

**Stephanie's POV**

"I say we start with Lester since he's just sitting in here all alone," I said as we entered the cafeteria.

"What?" He asked looking up at me all confused then looking to Lula. I sat down across from him. Lula took the chair next to me.

"I am only doing this because I love you," I told him. He sat his sandwich down.

"I love you to Bombshell, now what's up?" He asked.

"I am here to give you a little lesson on Joyce Barnhardt," I said leaning against the table.

"What about her?" He asked.

"She's a player, and uses men for money. She sleeps with anything and everything she can get her hands on. Hell she sleeps with Vinnie. I'm here as a friend to tell you if she come's on to you, turn the other way, if you don't well then you're, well I wont say what might fall off, but I have heard of it happening before," I told him, he paled.

"Yeah, and besides, I'd really have to kick you're ass if you did," Lula said. "I don't want to have to kick you're ass, but I will if you sleep with the burg slut."

"I have no desire to sleep or even socialize with Joyce, she might have a disease, and I am not willing to risk my, you know for her, or my ass" he said looking at Lula. "Besides Steph, you are my friend, I know how you feel about Joyce. I would never betray you like that. There are plenty of women out there."

"Well I'm glade you saw it my way, to bad I would have loved to have watched you squirmed when I called Grandma Mazur in to back me up," I said, and smiled when he paled at the thought. Oh how I loved the way my guy's feared my Grandma. "Now how would you like to go on a date with Joyce?" I asked confusing him. Then I told him the plan me and Lula had come up with on the way up in the elevator. Who knew a 10 second ride could create such an idea.

Next we found, Ram, Cal and Hal around the monitors. I repeated the same words I used on Lester, only Cal laughed at me this time instead of paling.

"Fall off, Steph what are you reading?" Cal asked continuing to laugh, Ram and Hal joined him.

"Yes!" I said happily.

"Yes?" Cal said raising an eyebrow.

"I was hopping some of you would give me a hard time about this," I said.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" Hal asked.

"I'm here, Tank said you wanted my help with a lesson," Grandma said coming into the room. I smiled as the guys hid behind their desks.

"Hi grandma, I'm giving the guy's a lesson on Joyce Barnhardt, she has her eyes on them. They are not paying heed to my teaching," I said.

"What's to teach, she is a money thirsty slut, and if you sleep with her your dick will fall off," Grandma said. "Any self respecting man would stay away from that piece of trash." By the time she had said this she was standing next to Ram.

"You, do you want you're dick to fall off?" She asked him. She squeezed his shoulder. He paled.

"UMM, no ma'am," He said.

"And you two. You want to sleep with a woman who has slept with hundreds of different men, who's slept with Vinnie," she asked wish a slight shudder. "Well I guess it's you're right, but I'll tell you this much, I'll never look at you the same again if you do. I'll look at you, and the only thing I'll think is, yuck!"

"Oh come on grandma, you would miss us, and forgive us," Cal said.

"I have Ranger and Tank, so if I have to lose you 3 that's fine I'll cry a little, but any man who touches that woman aint no friend of mine," Grandma said. "Now who do I need to beat some since into first?"

"That wont be necessary," Cal said. "We were just having fun with Stephanie. We would never sleep with that woman. We have to much respect for Stephanie for that."

"Then I guess we can move on to the other's," Grandma said.

I explained everything to Ram, Cal and Hal, from what Lula over heard, down to the plan we had for Joyce. They agreed eagerly, they loved to make me happy.

We worked for the next hour on the rest of the guys. Grandma had to bully Bobby, and Vince, they were really interested in Joyce for some reason. Grandma sat them straight. I don't think they will walk straight for a week. Serves them right. How could they want to sleep with that slut. Ewe. Bobby came around, and decided that my idea sounded like a lot of fun. Vince decided that he would help out since he wanted to keep his Manhood intact. Grandma threatened to cut it off if he slept with Joyce. I loved my grandma.

Hector wasn't a problem, he wouldn't be interested in Joyce at all so I didn't bother searching him out. Instead, I went to my cubical of an office, and started on a search. It was he who searched me out.

"You find everyone out, and visit, but do not visit me?" He said. He looked hurt.

"I was giving them a lesson on staying away from Joyce Barnhardt," I said. "I didn't think the lesson would be necessary for you." He looked grossed out. "Sit down, stay awhile."

"I heard grandma Mazur was here, yes," he said taking the seat I had shoved out for him.

"Yep, Tanks, taking her home right now, Lula's riding along with them," I said.

"Poor Tank, I hope grandma in back," he said. I laughed. Grandma had grabby hands. She loved to grab my Merry Men's butt's.

"I'm sure Lula called shot gun," I said. "So, you want to do me a favor?"

"Depends on favor," he said.

"I want to go shopping tomorrow, want to be my bodyguard for the trip?" I asked.

"Sure, I take you on trip, keep you safe, I'll even carry you're bags," he said smiling.

He went back to work after we agreed to meet in the garage tomorrow at 11 am, no way was I getting up before 9 at the earliest. I went back to my search, after that was finished I went up to seven with a clean note book, and stretched out on the bed. I opened it up, and titled the page. 'Revenge on Joyce.' I then continued to write my plan down, and what each guys role would be. Joyce would not be happy at the end of this, and she would wish she had never even thought about my Merry Men, or thought she could ever take Ranger. The woman was delusional. Cant say I blame her Ranger is hot, but he's also well off. To her that's like having her cake, and eating it to.

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter? Should I add more? Continue this story?**


	3. Chapter 3

**This would have been done sooner today but first Jerry Springer distracted me, then Maury, and then Steve Wilkos. Usually don't watch any of those but they were interesting today. So it was slow going during those 3 hours. Then my 8 year old sister came in with one of her friends, and I had to stop to answer a million questions, get them out of all our food, and stop the dog from jumping on them. Well let me know what you think of this chapter. First date with Joyce next chapter. Trying to decide just how far to take it, while trying to keep it realistic. **

**Disclaimer: if you recognize its all Janet's and what's unfamiliar its all made up by me.**

**Grandma Mazur's POV**

I was a woman on a mission. You know how that can be ladies. We don't stop until our mission is complete. Well my mission was to save this poor sap from that abusive girlfriend he landed himself with. Oh sorry you might like a little more details. The girls Name is Lilly Phillips, she's who Frank and I are watching for now. She's wanted for beating up her boyfriend. The poor thing. He was probably some nerd with a girlfriend twice his size, and just didn't know anything about defending himself. Well that's ok cause its Grandma Mazur to the rescue. Hey nerds can be cute, you guys saw Harry Potter, right?

Frank told me to stay in the car until Ranger got there, and I did. Now I was making my way up the walk way. I was shocked when I saw the girls boyfriend. She beat that guy up?

"Wait, she beat you up?" I asked, shocked. The guy turned his attention to me. "Boy, if I were you I would hid in shame." I couldn't help but laugh. The guy was almost as big as Ranger in muscle build, and at least 6 feet tall. It get's worse the girlfriend was a shrimpy little white girl that even I could brake in half. I just about died of laughter. Ranger grabbed my arm though, and shook his head as he led me and Lilly down the walk way.

"Hey, lover boy, I know a really good self defense teacher if you're interested," I called back.

"Grandma, behave yourself," Ranger said laughing.

"Behaving is for wimps, it's so much fun being bad," I said.

I got back into the car with Frank, the man who thinks mumbling is talking. And we headed to the bond office. I wanted to check in with Connie and catch up with Lula. I didn't expect to run into Steph. She was on a shopping trip, she had taken Hector with her.

"I cant believe that little bitty girl beat the stuffing out of that guy, he was close in size to Ranger," I said shaking my head. What a wimp.

"What was he going to do, beat up a woman?" Frank asked. "He held his temper, good boy. He could have killed her with a single blow."

"Well it would be embarrassing to get the stuffing beaten out of you by a tiny girl," I said.

"Better that, then going to jail yourself," Frank said.

"I guess you're right," I said.

"Wait, can you say that again," Frank said.

"You're right, don't let it go to you're head or you're hair will fall out," I said.

Frank dropt me off at the bonds office, and I went inside. I was greeted by Lula and Connie.

"Hey grandma, white girl up and went shopping with Hector. She left us with a special assignment," Lula said as I came in. "She wants us to go check out, and set out seating plans at that new restaurant, Magnolias."

Lester was going to take Joyce there this Friday at 8 pm. Stephanie wanted a good seat but one that also kept her hidden. Ranger happened to be friends with the owner of the restaurant who was willing to go along with whatever Stephanie said. So Lula and I where going over there now to scoop the place out. This was going to be a date from hell for Joyce.

We walked into the restaurant twenty minutes later and were greeted by the owner himself. David Riker was a 39 year old hottie with a smokin hot body.

"Mrs. Mazur, Lula. It's so nice to see you. I believe I have the perfect space for Stephanie's mission," David said.

He led them in to a large room. It had many tables and it was perfect. "I figured we would put the couple here in the middle and Stephanie and you two in the corner," David said.

"It's perfect," Lula said. "Man this shit going to be fun."

"I can hardly wait, now lets blow this joint and go get some donuts," I said.

"She's only speaking figuratively, we wont blow the place up, though you might want to remove the candles from our table Saturday. Stephanie is accident prone," Lula told David. He walked us out, and we left. It was donut, and gossip time.

**Stephanie's POV**

I loved shopping with Hector. He carried my bags, and he never complained. He was so patient. I was now in the baby gap looking for something to get my sister for her baby shower this Saturday. She was having another girl.

"This cute," Hector said holding up a pretty pink ruffled dress. It melted my heart.

"It is," I said, adding it to the basket of about 10 other outfits, and dresses we had picked out. I started to the front in hopes of getting out of there before I spent any more of Rangers money. By the time we got to the front though Hector had added 5 more dresses. Who would have known this man with all the gang tattoo's would have a soft spot for frilly dresses. We paid for the clothing, the clerk kept looking at Hector. My guess was not many, ex gang member came in to the store to buy baby clothes. She looked worried.

"Waiting for him to rob the place or something? How about you pay attention to ringing my purchases up, you just rang that dress up twice," I said irritated.

"Sorry," she said, she fixed her mistake, and then went back to ringing up the clothes. I paid and we left.

"God people are really irritating sometimes," I said as we walked away. Hector chuckled.

"Most people don't have you're heart chica, they cant see the good in everybody like you do," he said.

"Yeah well they shouldn't just assume the worst," I said. "Anyways if we were going to rob a place it would be the tasty pastry for all the Boston cream donuts."

When we got back to Rangeman Hector and I carried my purchases up to seven. We sat about putting my new clothes away.

"So, Lester has date with Joyce Friday," Hector said.

"Yep, we are going to Magnolias it's very expensive, but the food is amazing. Want to go with us?" I asked him.

"Who all going?" Hector asked.

"Me, Lula and grandma," I said.

"Gee I love to, but I think I have to get shot that day," He joked.

"Grandmas not that bad," I said.

"No she not that bad, ok I go with you guys wouldn't want to miss out on the fun," Hector said.

"Good," I said.

"We sit grandma next to Lula," Hector said.

"Good idea," I said.

We went back to putting clothes away then we put together my sisters baby shower gift. Hector offered to make lunch, and my stomach excepted. He made us some very yummy grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. We talked about the details of Fridays date as we ate. This was bound to be interesting. I wonder how many Merry Men Joyce would make it through before realizing she was being set up. She wasn't very smart so maybe we could get her through all 7 of the guys I had enlisted. It certainly would be sweeter if she would go through all seven dates, but hell I'll settle for 5. I wondered for a minute what grandma was up to at the moment.

**Grandma Mazur's POV**

"You know back in my younger day's I had all the boy's chasing after me," I told Tank who had to fill in for Frank who had declared a stomach ach so he couldn't do stake out this afternoon. So I called Tank, or Sexy Chocolate as I liked to call him.

"I bet you did Grandma," he said. He sent me a smile. I swear the Merry men ought to smile more, it looks good on them.

We were watching for Fred Potter. He was 29, and wanted for assault with a deadly weapon. Deadly weapon, I could show him a deadly weapon. My beautiful 45 was a deadly weapon, I would be happy to introduce the 2 of them.

"Grandma, what ever you got cooking in the head of your's take it off the burner," Tank said. "We are not here to kill the man, we are going to get him, take him to the cop shop and collect our pay for him. Got it?"

"Gee, you're about as much fun as Frank," I said sighing. "Damn boring men."

"Now Grandma, I just don't want you to hurt any body," Tank said patting my knee.

"The only person I'm going to hurt is you, if you try to tell me what to do again. I'm older than you boy, and if I want to teach Mr. Potter a lesson with my 45 then I will," I said.

"Grandma, don't bring out you're gun unless I tell you to," Tank said.

"What did I tell you about telling me what to do?" I asked and waked him in the stomach with my purse.

"Ouch, Grandma!" He wined.

"Don't Grandma me, now be quiet and watch out for fucking Fred before I cal in someone to replace you I swear, Cal never gives me crap when we go out together," I said.

"When have you gone out with Cal?" Tank asked.

"Usually only at night when Franks sick, aka him and Helen are going to town if you know what I mean, but that doesn't happen to often," I said. He blushed and coughed.

"Cal shouldn't allow you to play with you're gun," Tank said.

"Hey it's my gun, and I'll play with it if I want to," I said. "It has my name on it."

"There's are man, keep you're gun put away," Tank said, getting out of the car.

Fred was a runner, I wasn't, but Tank could run. So I decided I could help by chasing him down in the car. I slammed on the breaks when he came running out into the street but the car still hit him with enough force to knock him off his feet, giving Tank enough time to handcuff him. I got out and stood of him.

"Hey Fred, I'm good with a deadly weapon to," I said smiling.

"Grandma, what did I say about driving," Tank said. He sighed and shook his head. He picked the fugitive up, and we were off to the cop shop. This had been fun, but next time Frank called in sick I was demanding to work with Cal.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is another chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story you're reviews mean a lot. Please review and let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize it's all Janet's!**

**Lester's POV**

I was thinking of a good way to pay Stephanie back for this. I should never have agreed to this. Why, oh why can I never say no to anything she asks of me? This was suppose to be torturous for Joyce, not for me. So far it has been miserable. I swear if her foot touches me one more time my wine glass is going to have an accident all over her. That's it I thought as her foot slid up my leg again my hand hit my glass, and it toppled over, it's contents flew out all over her.

"Oops, my bad, sorry," I said dryly. Handing her a napkin. She glared at me, then stormed off to the bathroom. While she was gone I sent a glare Stephanie's way. I saw the laughter in all of there eyes. Her grandma blew me a kiss, and I sighed shaking my head. I think I rather be on a date with grandma than Joyce.

Joyce came back a minute later, still looking like a cheap prostitute, only now there was a stain from the red wine on her white dress. Oh well. When the waitress came to take our orders I made sure to order for both of us. Knowing it would make her mad. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, and then handed over the menus to our waitress. She was mad I could tell. I smiled inwardly. She attempted conversation a few times and I gave our famous one word answers. She was not having a good time.

"So, have you killed a lot of people?" She asked.

"I've killed my share, mostly people I don't like, or annoy me," I said in answer.

"Are you sleeping with Stephanie Plum?" She asked.

"If you are going to start bashing Stephanie, I'll worn you now I wont put up with it. Stephanie is my friend, and I respect and lover her. She is a good person with a good heart. So if you say one bad thing about her I will dump the whole damn bottle of wine on you, got it?" I said leveling my stair on her.

"Yeah, got it. It was just a question," she said. "Do you all feel that way about Stephanie?"

"Yes, none of us would ever do anything to hurt her. If we even hurt her by accident Ranger calls us to the mats and wipes the floors with us. He loves her more than his own life. He would die for her. He's not like her ex husband or Joe. He would never cheat on her or leave her for anyone else," I said.

"How dose a girl like her get a man like him is what I'd like to know," she said.

"By being a good person. By having a good heart. With her never ending determination. By never backing down. By not being afraid to stand up for what she believes in. For being herself, and not trying to change to please others," I said. "We all get what we deserve." No sooner had the words left my mouth when one of the waitresses tripped and her tray of food went flying. Joyce ended up covered in spaghetti sauce and noodles, and some sort of soda pop. I heard laughter coming from Stephanie's table. I was trying to hold back my own fit of laughter fighting to come out. Well this was one date I would never forget and neither would Joyce.

"Well, look's like dinner's on you tonight," I said. She had the burg glare down to perfection. She got up, and stormed out of the restaurant. Well I think that made up for the earlier torture I had to endure.

"I'm so sorry sir," the waitress said. She was a cute little blond. " I hope I didn't ruin you're evening."

"My evening will be just fine if I can have you're number," I said smiling. My smile widen when she blushed.

"wont you're girlfriend be mad?" She asked.

"That wasn't my girlfriend I was helping get back at her for a friend, but you did my job for me. You did it better than me, so far I had only spilt red wine on her," I said. "So thanks for you're help." She chuckled and the wrote something down handing it to me when she was finished.

"I get off at 10 tonight," she said, and walked off. Well my night was looking up. Stephanie got her laugh, and I got the number of a cute waitress. At least this date wasn't a total waist of time. Now to get grandma to Cal for their stake out.

**Grandma Mazur's POV**

Oh my god it had been so great when that cute little waitress tripped, and her tray of food landed all over Joyce. It had been so perfect. I just about died laughing. Hector had to catch me before I fell out of my chair. The poor waitress though, she looked so horrified by the whole thing, that just made it funnier. I had taken much pleasure watching Joyce storm out of the place covered in sauce and noodles, and some form of soda pop. The best forms of attacks where the one's that hadn't been planed, and the waitress tripping, and her food landing all over Joyce hadn't been planed. Still it got the job done, I don't think Joyce will be calling Lester for another date.

I was with Cal now. We were on a stake out. So far this Samuel Kingston was a no show. Cal was kicked back, and relaxed in his seat. Waiting for the guy to make an appearance. Cal was one of my favorite's of Stephanie's Merry Men. His tattoo didn't bother me none either. In fact I loved his tattoo. I thought it was kick ass. I had one my self no one knew about it either except my husband, but he's dead.

I reached over, and shoved the hair away from the art work.

"Why put it somewhere to show it off to cover it up?" I asked him.

"People stair, they judge," he said shrugging.

"So what? Who cares what people think? If Stephanie cared what her mother thought about you guys then she wouldn't be your friends, and wouldn't be with Ranger. If I cared what Frank thought about me I would grow depressed, and become normal doing the normal things old people do. When you start worrying about what others think of you that's when you lose part of yourself," I told him. "Don't change who you are to please other people."

"You're right Grandma," He said.

"Well of course I am. I'm going to tell you something that only my husband ever knew about me. It will be something special just between the two of us. Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes Ma'am I can," he said.

"Ok. I have a tattoo. I got it when I was 18 fresh out of high school," She said. she pulled her dress up, and showed him the once beautiful now fading dream catcher.

"I cant believe you have a tattoo, and no one knows about it. This is just to cool, Grandma," He said smiling. "I don't know anyone else like you. Thanks for sharing you're secret with me."

"Just remember it's between us, I don't need this getting back to Helen, I can just hear how she'd react to it now," I said sighing shaking my head. " I don't know where I went wrong with her."

"She's not that bad, I think it's all a mask to tell you the truth. I think on the inside she really likes all of the guy's, and she enjoys hearing about Stephanie's latest escapades. I just think she put on an act for the burg because that way no one talks bad about her she has no back bone," he said.

"You know that make's since. Still I'm sick of her criticizing Stephanie. It needs to stop I raised her better than that, her fathers probably turning in his grave watching the way she treats her 2nd born child," I said. We went back to paying attention to the house. Just then the guy showed up. I smelt trouble, and pulled out my gun. Cal got out, and made his way up to the guy me a few beats behind. Hey I'm not as fast as he is, he's young and in shape with all those muscles. The guy swung around, and before Cal could grab him the guy shot him.

"Hey, you cant shoot my Guy's like that," I said and I pulled the trigger on my gun. The man went pale and grabbed himself down stairs.

"You shot me in my dick grandma," he said.

"What did you expect? I'm old, not Clint Eastwood as whole, if I get closer I might be able to get you in the heart. You best pray Cal's not dead or I'll try again, no time like the present for target practice," I said. I rushed to Cal's side. He had taken one to the side. By the sound of his breathing I would guess that it punctured his lung. I grabbed my cell phone called an ambulance, and then hit Ranger's speed dial.

"Yo"

"Cal's down," I said.

"How bad," he asked I could her him moving around.

"One to the side, I think it punctured his lung," I said.

"The shooter?" He asked the venom clear in his voice. No one hurt his men or anyone he cared about.

"He's down, took one of my bullets to the dick, I could finish him of if you'd like Boss, Frankly I'm sick of listening to his crying," I said. To my surprise he laughed.

"You never disappoint, shooting cooked birds, men in their private parts, what's next? I'll be right there no more shooting unless he becomes a threat," he said.

"Yes sir," I said and hung up. 10 minutes later he arrived along with the ambulance, and the police.

"What have you done now grandma?" Officer Carl asked.

"This fucker shot My Cal, so I shot the bastard in his dick," I said. Both Cal and dickless Sam where loaded onto stretchers and placed in ambulances. I got in Rangers car with him, and we rushed to the hospital.

The bullet had lodged into his right side. It had missed his lung by an inch. Lucky him or recovery would have been even more difficult, and longer. I staid with Cal for the next 2 hours, and then went home for some sleep. I planed to go back tomorrow to visit and keep him company. They would release him after a 24 hour watch period. I would sneak him in some donuts. God knows hospital food sucks. Oh, dickless Sam is going to live but doctors say he wont be reproducing, I think that's for the best. Well I wonder who would be taking Joyce out next week Cal was OUT. Maybe Ram would fill his spot.


End file.
